That Heart is so Cold || Ginny [Finished]

Ginny went to the Owlery quite frequently. If she didn't, her mother would worry. She remembered the Howler she sent to Ron two years ago and it was like war flashbacks. It was mortifying for him, but also for her - it was her mum too! And she had been a first year, trying to make friends, and that was kind of hard to do when everyone in the school heard your mother screeching. In Ginny's opinion, what Ron and Harry had done had been brave, and well, (and she'd never admit it to Ron), kind of cool. Luckily, people only brought up that incident to her every now and then. She supposed her whole communicating-with-the-Dark-Lord-via-diary overshadowed it. As much as people teased Ginny about those things and a million other things from her red hair to her freckles to her hand-me-down robes, she never let it get to her. She learned to hem her own robes so they didn't fray and also knew that all of those things didn't represent who she was. Instead she impressed everyone with her spell-casting skills and her personality - and as much as she'd deny it, her good looks as well. 

She decided to use a school owl. Her letter was thicker than she had anticipated, but that was always the case. She'd go into it not knowing what she'd say, and next thing she knew she'd have pages on pages. At least it kept her mum happy. She pet the sleeping owl awake, careful of where she stepped - not that it made much difference considering the whole floor was covered. She didn't understand it. It wouldn't take much to keep it clean. A quick Scougify should do it... but then again, she supposed that would mean someone would have to come up here multiple times a day. For all she knew they did do it once a day or something. Ginny stroked the owl a bit and it leaned into her hand before giving her a friendly nip as if excited to go on its journey. She tied the letter to the barn owl's leg and watched it take off. Just as she did, she saw Draco throw an owl out the window and then run. By the looks of his thin body, she didn't think he knew what physical exercise consisted of. She didn't even think that he had seen her in there, which was surprising considering how often he seemed to scout her out even when she had no idea he was in the vicinity just to shout insults at her. 

Ginny waited a few moments to make sure that he would be quite a distance ahead of her. However, as she looked back to where she was going from looking up happily at the clear blue sky, she almost walked directly into Draco ahead of her. She heard his exclamation and she grinned. "Talking to the voices in your head again, are we?" she asked as she passed him. Her eyes flashed in an amusing manner. "Hasn't Father taught you that they're not real yet?" It wasn't often that she could get her quip in first. She kept walking at a normal pace away from him. The sooner she got out of there, the better.

Ginny thought that maybe Draco wouldn't respond back so quickly. She thought maybe he wouldn't have been able to think of something witty before she got away, but she clearly underestimated him. She spun around quickly, her long hair landing on her one shoulder as if she had done it intentionally. She raised an eyebrow at him, admittedly intimidated. This was Draco Malfoy, after all. As much as she and her family relentlessly joked about Draco and his family, they were very powerful. She knew provoking him would make her parents unhappy, but why shouldn't she? Her parents knew that her brothers targeted him and they said nothing, or sometimes her dad would even smirk knowingly. Was she not allowed because she was a girl, and therefore more easily hurt? Her thought process made it easier to take Malfoy's insults, even though they did sting. She'd be lying to herself if she pretended they didn't. Ginny's cheeks burned a little, and she desperately wished they wouldn't. She wanted to look tough, she wanted to seem like everything he said just bounced off her, but Draco had a way of knowing exactly what cut the deepest. 

Ginny kept walking, but she walked backwards in order to keep her eyes on the blond boy. Why did she pick a fight? Especially with him? She had pretty much used up her mercenary in one go. Draco didn't have anything to be made fun of about - what, his white blond hair? His riches? Being a mummy's boy? Really, other than the fact that he was spoiled, what did she have on him? Ginny was poor, but she also had all the other characteristics that he just teased her about. 

"I have six brothers. For someone who seems to know everything about my family, you can't even keep a simple detail like that straight?" it was weak and she knew it as it came from her mouth. Ginny bit her lip. What was she to do now, make fun of the bloody manor he lived in? "At least I'd have a chance against the Whomping Willow. Didn't I just hear that you failed your practical Defense Against the Dark Arts test? You probably couldn't even magic an egg out a chicken." She didn't remember where she heard it, but she was extremely grateful that she remembered in that moment. She wasn't sure if it were true, but Malfoy didn't seem concerned about truth when the dung spewed from his mouth. 

She watched him look around as if his mates were on either side of him as they usually were. She was sure it was a reflex, considering that's what he did every time he spoke. It was like he was always performing for others. It didn't help when some people passing by laughed at what he said. For a moment she considered telling him the truth: that what he said did hurt. But what would that accomplish? It wasn't like he wasn't aware that he was being an ass. He took pride in it. He was like the King of the Asses and the Slytherins were all his subjects. As she took in his pointed features and his perma-sneer, she couldn't even begin to imagine how he was so popular in Slytherin. There wasn't even a piece of him that she could turn into good. Ginny liked to see the good in people, but with this boy it was near impossible. Before Hogwarts, she didn't think there were people like that who existed. 

Ginny gave Draco a sarcastic smile. “Well I’m sure that unlike your mother, she actually pays attention to her children. Makes it a little easier for her to remember.” Maybe it was a low blow, but Draco didn’t seem to think family members were off-limits for insults, so why should she? She felt a little hot-blooded about the whole situation. Did Draco stay up at night and think of different ways to offend her family? She almost shuddered. She hoped that he didn’t think about them at all. Just the thought of her going through his head was disgusting enough for her.

He came and stood close to her. She faltered and took a step back. He was much taller than she had anticipated. Besides, who wouldn’t be intimidated by your nemesis stepping so close? Her eyes studied his sharp-featured face. Despite the amount of grease she felt like he applied to his hair (although admittedly he had loosened up on that), his face was surprisingly clear of any blemishes such as acne. She tried not to step back again even though she could feel his breath on her face.

“And you know what you’re talking about? Why don’t you teach the class then?” she could feel colour creep to her cheeks. He was so good at picking on the people that Ginny liked. She didn’t think Draco held particularly any strong feelings for anyone but himself, so it made it that much more difficult to verbally spar with him. “Professor Lupin was an amazing teacher with a terrible affliction. It didn’t make him any less of a good man, but with only your father has a male role-model, I can see how you can’t recognize a good man when you see one.” 

She didn’t know where the words poured from. Even her eyes felt hot and she worried she might cry. She used to be quite susceptible to crying, but she knew it made her seem weak and she had been working on it. Besides, her tears wouldn’t be from sadness, but simply from severe frustration. She knew she was only a thirteen-year-old girl getting picked on by a boy a year older than her and much more familiar with vulgarity and that she wouldn’t get blamed for crying, but she didn’t want to be that girl anymore. She wanted to be someone who was strong. 

“I...” she felt without words. Saying too much would give Lupin away, but saying nothing would imply that she agreed that Harry would feel stupid. “I’m not his girlfriend!” She stomped her foot angrily. Embarrassment hit her from her public displays of her feelings for him once upon a time, particularly that singing Valentine she had sent him. She had been so stupid!

Tag: Draco Malfoy

“So you can insult mine, but I can’t insult yours?” Ginny shot back, heatedly. Ginny had no idea how good a mother Mrs. Malfoy was, but if her son was any indicator, then she wouldn’t be the first in line for Mother of the Year. Besides, he didn’t anything about her mother except the gossip or whatever his imagination cooked up. It was a fair fight, but when it came to his mother, insults were off limits. Typical Slytherin! There was nothing wrong with wanting a lot of children. Ginny didn’t know if her mother wanted seven, but she certainly wanted a girl and didn’t seem too bothered to have six boys before her. It was no more of a poor decision, in Ginny’s belief, than Mrs. Malfoy’s was to have only one. In a way, she was grateful the woman chose never to reproduce again if they would be anything like the boy before her.

“Oh well, my father, my father,” she imitated in a nasally tone. “Who gives a damn what your father says, other than you?” her anger made her turn to imitation, even though it was a rather immature method of fighting. She was so tired of hearing those words out of his mouth, and by the imitations other students did in the Gryffindor common room, she wasn’t alone in that opinion. “Apparently no one seems to mind. The school is still open. You’re still here,” she pointed out.

Ginny’s lip involuntarily quivered. “How long... how long did it take you to memorize that whole bit?” she asked, stammering. No, no, she would not give in now. This was the longest she’d been able to hold up against anyone so far. Ginny was becoming increasingly popular and therefore conflict wasn’t something she had to deal with on a daily basis. It wasn’t like she sought out a fight to prove how thick skinned she was, but now that she was in this situation she was determined to come out on top, not that the tears forming in her eyes were indicating such an outcome. She felt utterly humiliated. She regretted that stupid singing Valentine the moment she had seen how uncomfortable she made Harry. Draco’s current taunting just brought back memories of the first time he had done so, and she had gone to the girls’ lavatories and just sobbed. A tear broke through and she wiped it away hastily. “Why do you always have to be so nasty?” she demanded.

Tag: Draco Malfoy

Ginny was going to demand if Draco really thought that wealth made a difference, but of course he did, just look at him. With his shoulders pulled back and his high cheekbones, he was the epitome of good wizarding breeding. She knew just by looking at him that arguing him was pointless. It was like they were on different ends of the spectrum. He believed every word he said whole heartedly, something that she didn’t actually think until now. Before Ginny just thought he spouted things but at the end of the day he regretted his words, but no. Everything he said was what he believed to be the absolute truth. Ginny was truly beneath him in his eyes. It didn’t matter if she could hex someone to oblivion at the age of thirteen and that he could hardly pass a Defence Against the Dark Arts class at her age. It didn’t matter that Ginny was funny and friendly or whatever. He was better just because of the blood that ran through his veins.

She raised an eyebrow at him. “And what does he do, precisely? I know he has influence over the Ministry of Magic but I can’t recall his job title.” As far as she was aware, he didn’t have one. He knew how to move money and where to put it to make sure his political standings were upheld while not being in the spotlight. Maybe he did have a real job, but she wasn’t aware of it. Lucius Malfoy was a chess player and the workers at the Ministry of Magic were merely the pieces. It was impressive, but hardly in a good way.

Ginny hoped that Draco’s words were untrue. Although she didn’t have a personal connection to Dumbledore, Dumbledore did have one with Harry and he looked after Harry when hardly anyone else would. He was admirable, but maybe it was all about to come to an end. Maybe he had truly gone too far. Fear filled Ginny and she wished that she had never had this encounter in the first place. Before her conversation with Draco, her day had been going splendidly, but now? Now she was beginning to question things that she had taken for granted, such as Dumbledore’s permanent place at the head of Hogwarts.

Ginny continued to look at Draco, not wanting to look away even though her eyes burned with tears. He had stepped even closer and there wasn’t much space left between them. She wasn’t an idiot; she knew that he knew that she was crying, so why hide it? Because she had too much pride. Because she was a Gryffindor who didn’t know when to back down. Instead of just leaving, she would stand there and take each blow no matter how much it hurt.

But she had nothing to say to his last comment. She couldn’t just stand there and cry as his grey eyes looked on approvingly. She didn’t know how Draco could be so cold all of the time. Didn’t he ever need someone to talk with, befriend? Didn’t he ever need to just relax and not worry about having a mean quip? She saw the way he talked with those he considered his friends, and it was appalling. Despite his popular status, she couldn’t actually imagine anyone actually liking him, and in a way she felt sorry for him. This was all he knew.

Knowing that there was nothing left to say, knowing that everything she said just led him on to another rude tangent, Ginny turned on her heels and stormed away, her face getting wetter with tears with each step she took. In a way, it scared her that he actually believed the way he did, because if Draco truly believed everything he spewed, it meant that others out there, those who called themselves Death Eaters, did too, and that was most frightening of all.

Tagged: Draco Malfoy

Notes: I guess this is done? Feel free to post a finishing post and then we can close it if you'd like!